every day after work i walk passed the child-birth-center and think about July 7.
the day we spent in there.
running back and forth from trader joes, grace cafe, and the hospital.
the baby always comes to my mind.
that was a sad day.
my calender was marked for september 18.
sometimes i wonder...
i still don't know why a mommy loses her baby.
oh, you can explain it scientifically. but that only answers so much.
why do bad things happen to good people?
why do the righteous suffer so?
that is the age old question.
the only answer i know is
I AM
that should suffice, right.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Sturgis...day eleven
the longer i'm here the more i understand how i want treat people who are very sick and how i want to behave if ever i get really sick too.
today we have many things going on. AK gets her drains out in Rapid City, Kelly and Kenna have soccer, Kenna has a band concert...
yesterday Tip graduated from kindergarten! Kenna, Kelly, U.Scott and I went to his program/graduation and watched him sing and receive a little certificate. we arrived home and had a small icecream party. we smiled lots and had a happy time.
i'm glad to make the home happy right now...happy and real.
another thing i learn more about is how i want to raise my children. the kids look for boundaries. they push to do what they want but then really want someone to tell them what they can and cannot do. as many kids as i have taken care of in my life...i've learned a thing or two about what kind of parent i want to be. i hope i can remember it when i actually have kids!
today we have many things going on. AK gets her drains out in Rapid City, Kelly and Kenna have soccer, Kenna has a band concert...
yesterday Tip graduated from kindergarten! Kenna, Kelly, U.Scott and I went to his program/graduation and watched him sing and receive a little certificate. we arrived home and had a small icecream party. we smiled lots and had a happy time.
i'm glad to make the home happy right now...happy and real.
another thing i learn more about is how i want to raise my children. the kids look for boundaries. they push to do what they want but then really want someone to tell them what they can and cannot do. as many kids as i have taken care of in my life...i've learned a thing or two about what kind of parent i want to be. i hope i can remember it when i actually have kids!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Sturgis...day ten
i'm sitting in the livingroom with aunt Karen. she came downstairs this morning after a good night sleep. she's looking more genki and cheery (that's her word). it's a nice morning. cloudy but not snowy or rainy. the city came and fixed the grass that they tore up with the snowplow. the dogs are lying around the livingroom happy to be inside. i haven't been letting them in the house very often. :) slim came up to me sniffing me and i said "go away, slim. you're in my personal space. i have a large personal space when it comes to doggies." he just looked at me and walked away. :) i think he got it.
so, new plan. on the 21st i'm flying with Aunt Karen to Rochester to go to appointments at Mayo. i'm so excited to see Mayo and see all of the nurses and doctors involved in AK's care. one of AK's friends had miles that she wanted to get tickets for AK if she needed to fly to Mayo. we need to go out there again because she needs to have her follow-up but she isn't going to be able to drive all those hours. so, she's flying and i'm her personal assistant!!
fun times!
happy day to yous!
so, new plan. on the 21st i'm flying with Aunt Karen to Rochester to go to appointments at Mayo. i'm so excited to see Mayo and see all of the nurses and doctors involved in AK's care. one of AK's friends had miles that she wanted to get tickets for AK if she needed to fly to Mayo. we need to go out there again because she needs to have her follow-up but she isn't going to be able to drive all those hours. so, she's flying and i'm her personal assistant!!
fun times!
happy day to yous!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Sturgis...day seven
It's sunny today and warm. We went from a walk to the grocery store in coats and hats and gloves (yesterday) to a picnic in shorts and teeshirts and flip-flops(today). Wild weather. I'm waiting for the homecoming of mom and aunt Karen. I'm needing some adult company. Kids are fun but I need some intelligent conversation now. And the small-talk with strangers is getting old too. I also realized that I am definitely a "city girl". The scenery is nice but this small town is...well...small. I miss the city. After only 7 days...
I drive along here and think about traveling West in the old days in a covered wagon. This place makes you think of the US history from 5th grade. Indians, buffalo, covered wagons... all that.
I love Washington! :)
I drive along here and think about traveling West in the old days in a covered wagon. This place makes you think of the US history from 5th grade. Indians, buffalo, covered wagons... all that.
I love Washington! :)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Sturgis...day six
Another day in Sturgis. Snow...in May? We woke up today to find a white world outside. Slowly it was getting warmer and today we were expecting to go to Kelly's soccer tournament. I suppose we were expecting sun or at the most clouds. But when Tip woke us up (by snapping) and we looked out the window a surprise was waiting for us. So, no soccer for anyone. We are inside...warm...drawing some more shrinky dinks. Good thing we traveled all the way to Rapid City yesterday to get two more packs of shrinky dinks. I think it's the kids' new favorite thing to do. I actually really like it myself. But after a soccer ball, an mac apple sign, a crane, an airplane, and joan of arc I think I am going back to reading Saunders and answering NCLEX questions about IV medications, blood products, safety, and biochemical warfare. I'm kind of slacking in the study department. Ah well. I don't even have a test date yet!
Today's tasks include going to the grocery store and making a welcome home poster and cleaning the house, again. oh...and make banana bread with the heaps of frozen bananas. Fun times!
Today's tasks include going to the grocery store and making a welcome home poster and cleaning the house, again. oh...and make banana bread with the heaps of frozen bananas. Fun times!
Friday, May 9, 2008
Sturgis...day four
So because I had not made up my mind yet I decided this morning that I wouldn't have any animals when I have a house. After cleaning up two throw-ups and one poop from three of the animals in this house I made my decision. Animals are best in the zoo or in a fish tank (or at my parents' or siblings' or friends' homes). That was my final decision. Now I will not be swayed into thinking that dogs and cats make good pets.
Last night I thought there would be a battle with spinach but since I cooked it the Japanese way (with shoyu and mirin) Tipper ate it, pretended he didn't like it, asked if he "had" to eat the second bite, and quickly popped it in his mouth when I said yes. No fuss or nothing. Too bad he likes spinach now. He's going to be quite the vegetable eater after this week. Carrots and spinach in one day.
We found some more shrinky dink paper. The kids LOVE shrinky dink. We're going into Rapid City to the craft store to see if we can find anymore. That is between school and soccer practice. Hopefully we can make it there and back.
I am also very thankful that I only have one dad. The girls' dad all of a sudden stated that he is going to drive up to see the girls tonight and take them to dinner and watch their soccer games tomorrow. That is after McKenna got up her courage to tell him that she would rather he didn't because it is "mom's weekend." She cried last night saying that she told him what she wanted for the first time and he didn't even respect it. I was angry with him and felt so sorry for her...told her she had done a good job and I was so sorry she had to stand up for herself to strong men who did not respect her boundaries. I am thankful for my dad who listens to me and taught me that my "no" has authority. Poor dear girl. Always putting on a happy, kind face to everyone and never standing up for herself.
I've decided that I need to make sure that the oldest child doesn't always do all of the work around here. I started to assign some tasks to Kelly and Tipper last night instead of just to Kenna. It's easy to just keep asking her to do everything because she is so willing and able. But the others just get swept up under her kindness and obedience and are not quick to help. I wonder if that happened in our house. I think I can see myself in Kelly. Just sliding around under her sister's kindness and diligence and people never think that she is not as willing. Yeah. I think that might be what happened in our house too. Sorry, Cair. You never got all the praise you deserved for being so good and kind and willing. Maybe Kelly and I still have some hope.
Now there is sunshine and the rain has left greener grass and melted snow. It should become summer at last!
Happy day in May!
Last night I thought there would be a battle with spinach but since I cooked it the Japanese way (with shoyu and mirin) Tipper ate it, pretended he didn't like it, asked if he "had" to eat the second bite, and quickly popped it in his mouth when I said yes. No fuss or nothing. Too bad he likes spinach now. He's going to be quite the vegetable eater after this week. Carrots and spinach in one day.
We found some more shrinky dink paper. The kids LOVE shrinky dink. We're going into Rapid City to the craft store to see if we can find anymore. That is between school and soccer practice. Hopefully we can make it there and back.
I am also very thankful that I only have one dad. The girls' dad all of a sudden stated that he is going to drive up to see the girls tonight and take them to dinner and watch their soccer games tomorrow. That is after McKenna got up her courage to tell him that she would rather he didn't because it is "mom's weekend." She cried last night saying that she told him what she wanted for the first time and he didn't even respect it. I was angry with him and felt so sorry for her...told her she had done a good job and I was so sorry she had to stand up for herself to strong men who did not respect her boundaries. I am thankful for my dad who listens to me and taught me that my "no" has authority. Poor dear girl. Always putting on a happy, kind face to everyone and never standing up for herself.
I've decided that I need to make sure that the oldest child doesn't always do all of the work around here. I started to assign some tasks to Kelly and Tipper last night instead of just to Kenna. It's easy to just keep asking her to do everything because she is so willing and able. But the others just get swept up under her kindness and obedience and are not quick to help. I wonder if that happened in our house. I think I can see myself in Kelly. Just sliding around under her sister's kindness and diligence and people never think that she is not as willing. Yeah. I think that might be what happened in our house too. Sorry, Cair. You never got all the praise you deserved for being so good and kind and willing. Maybe Kelly and I still have some hope.
Now there is sunshine and the rain has left greener grass and melted snow. It should become summer at last!
Happy day in May!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
goodbye xanga.
I am following my sister's lead because I am confused by xanga as well. It's been too long since I started it and now there are so many things to do on it that I don't quite know what to do. So for the sake of my friends and family to keep up on my happenings and stories I am now moving back to here. Kenji introduced me to this one a couple years ago and now I am moving on from xanga. :) Thanks Carrie (and Kenji)!!
Sturgis...day two
the snow is melted and the sun has come out. it's beginning to feel like springish summer. hurray for spring that i love.
i know why God had us start parenting with babies. i think it's so that you can work up to the schedule of kids. there's a lot going on when the kids are older. soccer, school, band, homework, playing with friends, meals, picking up fund raiser stuff...
yesterday i went to Kelly's class with her to watch a video on puberty. there were 30 fourth graders sitting on the ground giggling when the picture of the body maturing came on. the school nurse did a very good job. each little girl got a packet of stuff they need as they go into puberty. it was fun to be there and see what they do. someday i'm going to do the same thing for a class of fourth grade girls. we talked about it afterwards on the drive home. Kenna and Kelly asked some questions.
i think i love being a nurse already even though i'm not even an RN yet and i haven't worked in the hospital. i love being a nurse because i know what to say in situations that would usually be very awkward. and i love being a nurse because i've learned how to talk to people when they know someone is sick. yeah. it's a good profession. i'm blessed!
i know why God had us start parenting with babies. i think it's so that you can work up to the schedule of kids. there's a lot going on when the kids are older. soccer, school, band, homework, playing with friends, meals, picking up fund raiser stuff...
yesterday i went to Kelly's class with her to watch a video on puberty. there were 30 fourth graders sitting on the ground giggling when the picture of the body maturing came on. the school nurse did a very good job. each little girl got a packet of stuff they need as they go into puberty. it was fun to be there and see what they do. someday i'm going to do the same thing for a class of fourth grade girls. we talked about it afterwards on the drive home. Kenna and Kelly asked some questions.
i think i love being a nurse already even though i'm not even an RN yet and i haven't worked in the hospital. i love being a nurse because i know what to say in situations that would usually be very awkward. and i love being a nurse because i've learned how to talk to people when they know someone is sick. yeah. it's a good profession. i'm blessed!
Sturgis...day one
i'm driving around sturgis, SD in a monster truck.
i feel like half hick half soccer mom.
today's schedule:
school 8:15
take McKenna her paper she forgot 9:00
pick up Tip 11:15
take Tip to neighbor 2:00
go to Kelly's school to watch health video 2:30
pick up Kenna and Kelly 3:20
take Kelly to soccer 3:30
pick up Tip 3:40
back to soccer field 4:30
dinner 5:30
homework= research project on Bill something (a midwestern outlaw...or something) and answer questions about the health video.
tasks= entertain Tip.
i am glad i'm here though.
when scary things like mom's surgery are happening it's nice to have someone who will talk about it and not just try to ignore it. someone who will tell you exactly what is going on and what the doctors will do and what mom will look like when she comes home. i'm glad i can be that person. last night the kids all cried a little and told me they're nervous. "it's ok to be nervous" I said. "surgery is scary. i'm glad we can trust that God will take care of her because He loves her. let's pray for her." then we talked about surgery and medicine and cancer and tubes and drains and nurses and doctors and what is a lymph node? how long will it take for the cut to heal? when will mommy's hair come back? what's radiation?
kids are so strong...but it's hard to see your mom sick.
pray for aunt Karen...for healing and comfort
and pray for McKenna, Kelly, and Tip...for peace
and pray for uncle Scott...to understand, to face reality
i feel like half hick half soccer mom.
today's schedule:
school 8:15
take McKenna her paper she forgot 9:00
pick up Tip 11:15
take Tip to neighbor 2:00
go to Kelly's school to watch health video 2:30
pick up Kenna and Kelly 3:20
take Kelly to soccer 3:30
pick up Tip 3:40
back to soccer field 4:30
dinner 5:30
homework= research project on Bill something (a midwestern outlaw...or something) and answer questions about the health video.
tasks= entertain Tip.
i am glad i'm here though.
when scary things like mom's surgery are happening it's nice to have someone who will talk about it and not just try to ignore it. someone who will tell you exactly what is going on and what the doctors will do and what mom will look like when she comes home. i'm glad i can be that person. last night the kids all cried a little and told me they're nervous. "it's ok to be nervous" I said. "surgery is scary. i'm glad we can trust that God will take care of her because He loves her. let's pray for her." then we talked about surgery and medicine and cancer and tubes and drains and nurses and doctors and what is a lymph node? how long will it take for the cut to heal? when will mommy's hair come back? what's radiation?
kids are so strong...but it's hard to see your mom sick.
pray for aunt Karen...for healing and comfort
and pray for McKenna, Kelly, and Tip...for peace
and pray for uncle Scott...to understand, to face reality
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